Breathe
by TheBeautifulNerd
Summary: On the verge of a breakdown, Cal ends up getting in with the wrong crowd and one night he is forced to attack an innocent woman. What happens though when he realises the woman is actually someone he knows?
1. Chapter 1

**I don't own Casualty or any of the characters; apart from Joel, Dagger, Kyle and Eric. Those are my own characters :)**

Chapter One

There were two things that Cal hated. One of them was rain and the other was mornings. Everyone knew that about him so if anybody had seen him out in the thunderstorm at two o'clock in the morning, they would have had to pinch themselves to check if they were dreaming. He was standing down an alleyway, at the side of a tall, abandoned building. It used to be a bakery but after a fire back in 1992, it hadn't been used since. Cal gulped anxiously and rubbed his hands together, waiting until he saw a dark, plump figure walking towards him.

"Hey," he greeted, giving the stranger a nod of the head. "Have you got the stuff?"

"Right here," the stranger replied and held up a small plastic bag. Cal smirked and reached out a hand but the bag was immediately removed from his sight. "Oh no," the stranger chuckled. "First, the two hundred pounds."

"Two hundred?" Cal raised his eyebrows and rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet. "You...You said one hundred and fifty."

"Two hundred," he spat aggressively. "Final offer."

Cal sighed and pulled a wad of cash from his pocket, handing it over to the man. He wore a hoodie so it was hard to see his face but Cal could see a lit cigarette dangling from his mouth.

"Keep it," Cal said, his lips pursed together.

"That's what I like to hear, Caleb," he growled, taking the money from his hand before tossing him the bag. "The name's Dagger. You're a mate of Joel's, right?"

"What's it to you?" Cal asked, chucking the bag of stuff up in the air and catching it.

"Joel's a good guy," Dagger complimented. "You could be one of us as well, if you want to. We're meeting tomorrow night, six o'clock. It'll be dark so there'll be no one around. You in?"

"Sure," Cal agreed, shaking hands with Dagger. "I'm in."

* * *

Cal removed the hair from his face and stroked the scar on his cheek. He'd been at work all day but had managed to get off early with a fake illness and although exhausted, he was there waiting at the usual place for Dagger, Joel and the others to make their appearance. He put his hood up, folded his arms and shivered as the cold air hit him. The stars twinkled and he glanced down at his watch to see that it was five past six. Everyone else would be finishing work.

"Knight!" Someone called.

He turned to see a group of four, muscular men walking towards him. If he didn't know them, he would have thought that they were planning on beating him up. The plump one of course was Dagger and next to him stood an old mate of Cal's, Joel. The other two were brothers, Kyle and Eric but they looked nothing like each other.

"Long time no see," Joel said and fist bumped with Cal.

"Is this the doctor then?" Kyle teased, getting up close and personal in Cal's face. "Nice! He still has the scar!"

A few months back, Cal and Joel had got into some trouble with the police. It resulted in Cal flying head first over a barbed wire fence, cutting his face in the process. Ethan had not been impressed.

"So have you finally seen sense then?" Joel asked. "Dagger said you want to become one of us."

"Depends what I have to do," Cal said, clearing his throat and stuffing his hands into his pockets.

"Well, everyone has to pass an initiation test," Kyle said.

Cal looked towards Eric and realised that he hadn't actually said anything yet. He remembered Kyle telling him that he'd been in a bad motorbike accident as a teenager and as a result his brain had been severely damaged.

"It's easy," Joel said. "Trust me." He patted Cal on the back and lead him towards the entrance of the alleyway, pointing at the other side of the road.

Cal could see what he was looking at. Over by the bus stop, there was a girl. She looked as if she was talking on the phone and she was probably in her twenties. Cal couldn't see her face. Her hood was up and it was dark.

"All you have to do, is make an attack on her," Joel said.

"But that's assault," Cal stated. "I could get arrested."

"You won't," Dagger said, tossing him a balaclava. "Because she isn't going to know what you look like."

"I...I can't." Cal shook his head.

"You're not chicken, are you?" Dagger scoffed. "Look, Caleb. If you want to be one of us, if you want any more stuff off of me then you are going to walk over there and attack that woman as hard as you can."

"We've all done it, mate," Joel said. "Now, it's your turn."

"I asked you before if you were in," Dagger said, holding a finger under Cal's chin. "Now tell me again, are you?"

"Yeah," Cal sighed, slipping the balaclava on over his head. "I...I'm in."

Cal gulped and clicked his fingers. He left the alleyway, looked both ways for traffic and made his way across to the other side of the road. His breathing was heavy and his fists were clenched together at his sides. He knocked the mobile phone out of the woman's hand and pushed her, causing her to hit her head on the bus stop. She fell to the floor screaming and he held a fist above her head, bringing it straight down on her face. She screamed again.

"Don't scream!" Cal threatened, not quite believing what he was doing. "Or you'll get way worst!"

The woman was silent and Cal punched her again, knocking her glasses off in the process. It was only when her hood came down that Cal realised what he'd done. As she lay on the floor, injured and scared, he clambered off of her. Giving her one last kick and realising who the face belonged to, he ran. He ran and he ran and he ran and he didn't stop until he reached the end of the road. He couldn't breathe. How had he been stupid? Not only had he attacked an innocent victim, he'd attacked someone he knew. Only, he hadn't realised he knew her, not until he'd finished his job.

He'd just gone and attacked Lily Chao.

 **I hope you like the story so far. It's slightly different but I hope it's okay :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Blue Skies And Ink: Thank you and there will be some chapters about Cal and some chapters about Lily. Chapter three will be more based around Lily :)**

 **TheAtomicCheesepuff: Thank you and you will soon see :)**

 **CasualtyFanForever81: Here you go :)**

 **ETWentHome: I'm glad that it's a good different, please keep reviewing :)**

Chapter Two

Cal was dreading walking into work the next morning. He'd had this awful dream about walking through the entrance of the ED, everyone staring at him, knowing what he did. Lily would just be lying on the floor, unconscious with blood trickling down her. He'd scream, and then wake up. He sighed heavily and ran a hand through his hair as he walked in, knowing that he had to go home. Connie would kill him but he just couldn't bring himself to stay. He walked over to the office and knocked on the door.

"Come in," Connie called.

He took a nervous breath and walked in, shutting the door behind him.

"Doctor Knight," Connie sighed. "What can I do for you at this time of the morning?"

"Um...I...I know I've only just got here," Cal stuttered. "But is it okay if I go home? I'm just not feeling too good, I might not be much use."

"Do you really feel that bad?" Connie asked. "We're already a doctor down, Caleb. Lily's called in sick as well, we can't afford to lose another one."

"Has she?" Cal asked and raised his eyebrows. "Oh um...I...I can stay, try anyway."

"That is what I like to hear," Connie said. "If you do feel really unwell, then go home. Try and make it through your shift though please."

Cal nodded and backed out of the room, shutting the door on his way out. Lily had called in sick. Cal felt worst than ever, maybe he should try and phone her and explain what happened. Maybe he should apologise. She'd understand, right? He chewed his lip and pulled his mobile out of his pocket, scrolling down to find Lily's name. With any luck, she'd be asleep.

"Hello," she answered the phone groggily.

Shit, was all Cal thought.

"Doctor Knight," she yawned.

Even when out of work, she called him Doctor Knight.

"Hi Lily," he managed to speak. "Um...Are...Are you okay? Mrs Beauchamp said that you were sick."

"Just a migraine," she replied but that was quite blatantly a lie. "Why are you ringing me? Just to ask if I was okay?"

"Yeah," Cal whispered and rubbed at his face. "I um...I'm sorry..."

"Why are you sorry?" Lily mumbled. "It isn't your fault I'm sick."

"No?" Cal asked, frowning to himself. Clearly Lily had no idea that he had been her attacker. "I um...I hope you feel better soon," he said. "Will you be back tomorrow?"

"Maybe," she groaned. "I don't know. I have to go now, Cal. I'm tired. Bye."

Before Cal could even say anything to her, she had hung up the phone. She didn't know. She had no idea what he had done to her. He felt really sick. Knowing that she had called in sick because of him made him feel awful. He walked over to the waiting room and sat down on a chair, the phone in his hands.

"Hey bro," Ethan greeted, walking over. "What's wrong?"

"Why do you think there's something wrong?" Cal asked defensively.

"Well..." Ethan cleared his throat and sat next to Cal, as if he was preparing some mega long speech. "You didn't say a single word on the drive here and now you're sat in the waiting room staring into space. Is everything okay?"

"I'm just not feeling too good," Cal mumbled. "Mrs Beauchamp wants me to stay though because we're short staffed. Lily's already called in sick."

"That's unlike Lily," Ethan said. "She's never off. Do you remember that time she threw up in resus? She insisted on staying then."

"Yeah." Cal grimaced. "That wasn't a nice time, there was literally sick everywhere."

"Yeah," Ethan chuckled. "But like I said, Mrs Beauchamp and Doctor Hanna wanted to send her home but she insisted on staying at work. Good thing she went home though in the end. I'm just saying that it isn't like her to call in and..."

"I know, Ethan!" Cal snapped and then noticed the look on his face. "Sorry," he apologised quietly. "I...I know. Look, I'm sorry for snapping. I just don't feel well."

"Why don't you ignore Mrs Beauchamp?" Ethan asked. "If you really don't feel well, then you need to be at home. Go and speak to Doctor Hanna instead because I can guarantee that she will send you home."

"I'll be fine," Cal sighed. "Sickness is always worst in the morning. I'll just...I'll just see how I am later."

"Is there something you're not telling me?" Ethan asked.

"Why do you think that?" Cal said.

"I'm your brother," Ethan pointed out. "I can always tell when there is something wrong."

"Well there isn't anything wrong," Cal lied. "I promise, Ethan. I just have a headache, I feel sick and I'm sure I'll be fine once I've thrown myself into work."

"Okay," Ethan said. "As long as you're sure. I don't want you getting involved with those gangs again."

"Don't worry, little bro," Cal said and ran a hand down his face. What he was about to tell Ethan was probably his biggest lie ever. "Everything is absolutely fine."

 **Okay so I know Cal is very out of character in this. We all know that he would never hurt a fly, he'd never attack someone in the street. I hope people don't feel uncomfortable reading this sort of Cal. I just thought that it was a different idea and quite a twist. Basically what we are going to see in this story is Cal on the verge of some mental breakdown, hence the gang that he is getting involved with.**

 **Please leave reviews and let me know what you think.**


	3. Chapter 3

**CasualtyFanForever81: Thank you :)**

 **Tato Potato: Yeah, I enjoyed that side of him too :)**

 **ETWentHome: It is. She doesn't strike me as the person who calls in sick, even when she is really sick. It does seem like the sort of thing he'd do, as like a cry for help :)**

 **TheAtomicCheesepuff: Thank you. Lots More awkwardness to come :)**

 **LittleBritishPerson: I like risking different. Thanks for your lovely review :)**

Chapter Three

Lily felt sick. She'd really struggled getting out of bed that morning but she'd promised Connie that she'd make it into work, no matter how ill she felt. The truth was that she felt absolutely terrified to go anyway. The evenings and the mornings were getting darker and darker and after being attacked, she just didn't want to leave her bed. She blamed herself though for what happened. She shouldn't have taken the bus when her moped was broken, she should have accepted the lift home that Ethan had offered her. Things would have been different then.

She fiddled anxiously with the knife in the pocket of her hooded jacket and made her way into the ED. Connie was no where to be seen so she thought that she would check the office so she could talk to her before her shift started.

"Doctor Chao," Connie greeted, as soon as Lily entered the office. "Good to see you at work, bad to see you out of uniform. Can the jacket come off please?" Lily didn't answer her and she didn't remove the jacket either. "Lily!" Connie said sternly. "Jacket, off."

Lily gulped nervously and pulled the jacket off of her arms. The knife dropped from the pocket and landed with a clang on the floor of the office.

"What's this?" Connie asked, standing up and walking over to where the knife had fallen. Lily sprinted to pick it up but Connie got there first. "Why are you carrying a knife around with you?"

"I um...I didn't know it was there," Lily lied quietly.

"You didn't know it was there?" Connie repeated her words as a question. "Lily. You are one of my most intelligent doctor's and that is a terrible, terrible lie. I was expecting better from you. Now I am going to ask you again and I want you to be honest with me, why do you have a knife in your pocket?"

Lily was completely silent, refusing to tell Connie what had happened.

"Right. Well you can come with me then," Connie said, a hint of frustration in her voice. "You aren't working until we get this sorted."

"That isn't fair," Lily said and scowled at her. "You can't do that."

"I can and I will," Connie said. "Come with me."

Connie opened the door to her office and walked out, Lily reluctantly following her. The clinical lead told Lily to go into meeting room 1 and she headed up to the reception desk to speak to Charlie and Zoe.

"Hold onto this for me," she said and slammed the knife down on the desk in front of their shocked faces.

"Um...Where did that come from?" Zoe asked, her eyes fixated on the metal object.

Connie glanced across at Louise and Noel who were subtly listening in but pretending not to.

"Lily brought it in," Connie whispered, leaning in closer towards Charlie and Zoe. "I'm just going to have a word with her now. Just keep it a safe distance away from her, and everyone else as well."

"Got it," Charlie said. "Do you need any help?"

"No, it's all under control," Connie reassured him. "Once I have a good understanding as to why she's even considered bringing a knife into the ED."

Charlie and Zoe nodded at her and Connie headed into the room to see Lily sitting at the table. She'd put the jacket back on and was slouched on the chair with her hands in her pockets.

"You are a doctor!" Connie yelled and slammed the door shut. "What possessed you to bring a knife into the ED?" Lily was silent. "Talk to me!"

"It makes me feel safe," Lily whispered and shrugged her shoulders.

"What do you mean?" Connie asked. "Lily, this is serious."

"Can't we just leave it?" Lily asked. "Please. You've taken it off me, haven't you?"

"Have you got anything else on your person?" Connie asked and Lily shook her head. "Why were you off sick yesterday?"

"I had a migraine," Lily lied. "And I felt sick. Why?"

"Well you call in sick," Connie pointed out. "And then you show up for work with a knife."

"I wasn't going to use it," Lily said. "Like I said, it just made me feel safe. I was going to leave it in my locker."

"So why did you bring it in?" Connie asked and took a seat opposite Lily at the table. "I know you said to feel safe but if you were going to leave it in your locker..."

"Just in case," Lily said. "You never know when something could happen. Someone could...Could storm into the ED, threatening to kill us all."

"I highly doubt that is going to happen," Connie laughed but then noticed the serious look on Lily's face. "Okay." She nodded. "Okay, well I can assure you that you are perfectly safe here. I promise. However, I am going to hold onto the knife and I don't want to see you carrying objects around like that again. Understand?"

"Yeah," Lily whispered and nodded her head, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "Good girl. Go on, I'll let you get back to work."

Lily nodded and slipped her jacket off, carrying it with her as she left the room. Connie just sighed and ran a hand down her face, shaking her head in disbelief at what had just happened.


	4. Chapter 4

**Tato Potato: Thank you :)**

 **sweeet-as-honey: He does do terrible things unfortunately. I'm glad I've expressed it well and yeah it just makes Lily safe, knowing that she has a weapon in case something does happen :)**

 **ETWentHome: Yeah me too and let's hope so :)**

Chapter Four

Lily was working in cubicles when Cal walked in. His eyes widened when he saw who he would be working with that day, but Lily just gave him a small, welcoming smile. She clearly had no idea but how was he supposed to work alongside her after what he had done? He cleared his throat and went to stand awkwardly at the other side of the bed, watching as Lily sorted out the equipment on the medical trolley.

"We have a patient coming in," Lily whispered, without turning round to face him. "ETA, five minutes."

Cal nodded and noticed Lily subtly slip a pair of scissors into her pocket. He frowned, unsure what to make of it but he didn't say anything. Lily would have her reasons. He stayed silent, even when an elderly man was brought in with a broken arm. Lily was constantly questioning him how he had injured himself but Cal just stayed and watched.

"That's all fixed up," Lily said, after getting the old man's arm in a cast. "We'll get your discharge papers ready and then you will be able to go home."

"Brilliant!" The man cheered enthusiastically. "Time for me to get the hell out of here."

"Doctor Knight, a word please," Lily ordered and strolled out of the cubicle, Cal following closely behind. "What the hell was that?"

Cal shrugged his shoulders. "What?"

"You didn't do anything," Lily hissed. "I was having to treat that man on my own. Where was your input?"

"Sorry," Cal apologised quietly and hung his head. "I'm still feeling a bit under the weather."

"Focus!" Lily snapped harshly.

"What is going on over here?" Connie asked, exiting the office and striding over to the pair of them. "Can we keep our voices down please?"

"Sorry Mrs Beauchamp, I cannot work with Doctor Knight," Lily muttered.

"Why?" Connie asked, shrugging her shoulders at her. "What's he done?"

"Nothing, that's the thing!" Lily yelled. "We were treating a patient...Well, I was treating a patient. He just stood there watching."

"Maybe I was watching you stealing a pair of scissors," Cal mumbled under his breath and then instantly regretted it. Lily bit her lip but Connie's eyes diverted straight to Cal. "What?" Cal asked. "I didn't say anything."

"Yes," Connie said sternly. "You did say something. What did you say?" He didn't answer so Connie just rolled her eyes and turned back to Lily. "Doctor Chao, empty your pockets please."

"No," Lily refused.

"What did you just say to me?" Connie asked in shock. "Come on. After the knife incident this morning, I wouldn't put it past you."

"What knife incident?" Cal asked with a look of confusion on his face.

"Lily!" Connie said with a hint of frustration in her voice. Lily looked down at the floor and stuffed a hand into her pocket, bringing out the scissors and handing them over to Connie. Connie pursed her lips together and put the scissors into her own pocket. "What on earth is going on with you?"

Lily shrugged her shoulders, her eyes fixated on the floor.

"I don't know if I can even trust you around the patients, Lily," Connie said.

"That isn't fair," Lily said and looked up at her. "What? You think that I am just going to lunge at a random patient with a knife?"

"You should not be carrying sharp objects on your person," Connie said. "You could get arrested if someone found something on you. I know we talked this morning and I may have let it go then but I am sorry, Lily, I'm not having this."

Lily just shoved Connie and Cal aside and raced off. Tears were forming in her eyes and she didn't want to let anybody see her cry. Her chest was getting tighter and tighter and she could feel her anxiety growing. She made her way to the on-call room and hurried in, slamming the door shut behind her. She sniffed and sat down on the edge of the bed, wiping at her eyes.

She could hardly breathe. Lily hadn't felt the same since being attacked that night, she was almost too scared to leave the house. She didn't even know who had hurt her, she hadn't opened her eyes the entire time. She swallowed hard and held a hand to her chest to try and steady her breathing. She couldn't go and have a panic attack, not whilst at work. She'd never live it down. Lily wished that she had had the courage to tell Connie how she felt, to tell her that she'd recently been feeling nervous about coming into work. If only she was able to tell someone about the attack. She couldn't though. She was scared, she felt ashamed and embarrassed.

Lily pulled her knees up to her chest and listened as she heard footsteps outside the door. She froze, her heart pounding inside her chest. She hadn't locked the door so anyone could just walk straight inside and see her, crying. The door creaked open and Lily swallowed hard, only to see Charlie walk inside.

"Can I come in?" He asked, shutting it behind him.

Lily gripped the bed-sheets and nodded, wiping her nose on her sleeve.

"Connie's worried," he whispered and sat down next to her.

"Why?" Lily whispered back.

"Let's refresh, shall we?" He said. "You've been found today with a knife and a pair of scissors on you. Then you run off without a single word. Come on, we all know that this is not normal Lily Chao behaviour."

"Sorry," Lily apologised. "I just needed some space."

"So you chose the on-call room?" Charlie asked, looking around. "There used to be a junior doctor who worked here, called Ruth. She was brilliant at her job, almost as good as you."

Lily managed a small smile. "What happened to her?" She asked.

"She tried to operate on a patient in here once," Charlie said. "On her own."

"Seriously?" Lily raised her eyebrows.

"Yep." Charlie nodded. "And soon enough, she was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. Ruth and I were good friends, I can't help but worry about our junior doctors now after what she went through. There is a lot of pressure on them and to tell you the truth I was scared that you'd run off here and try to kill yourself or do something completely stupid."

"I'd never do anything like that," Lily said.

"I know," Charlie sighed. "But I bet Ruth thought the same. The mind is a fascinating thing, Lily. It takes over like some sort of virus, you can't stop it. If it wants you to try and end your life, it will go to the depths of the earth to try and make sure that that happens."

"I guess so," Lily whispered.

"Tell me honestly..." Charlie began. "Those weapons, were you thinking of hurting yourself with them?"

Lily looked Charlie in the eyes and shook her head. "No," she replied in a soft whisper. "No, I wasn't."

"But you thought that you needed them to stay safe?" Charlie asked and Lily nodded. "Do you...See things Lily?"

"I don't have an illness," Lily defended and stood up, gesturing to herself. "I don't see things. What is so bad about feeling the need to be safe?"

"It's just a little odd," Charlie said. "Especially for someone like you. I don't want you to feel like you can't talk to people, if there is something going on then talk to me. Talk to Connie, or Zoe even."

"Connie wouldn't understand," Lily muttered under her breath and sat back down on the bed.

"Oh yeah?" Charlie asked. "Then explain to me why she is out there worrying and asking everyone in sight if they know where you are? She does care, more than anything. You'd be crazy to think that she doesn't." Lily was silent. "I'll leave you to it, five minutes yeah? Then you're going to have to come out."

"Five minutes," Lily promised.

"Promise me?" Charlie asked and Lily nodded. "Okay. I'll let Connie know that you're okay."

Lily smiled at him thankfully and he left the on-call room. Connie was waiting at the bottom of the steps alongside Zoe. Charlie just nodded at them both though and ushered them away, assuring them that Lily was going to be fine.

 **That was probably one of my favourite chapters to write. I just loved writing the conversation between Lily and Charlie and it was probably my longest as well :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**sweeet-as-honey: Thanks for reviewing. I like the tension as well and yeah Charlie is always good if you need a heart to heart with someone :)**

 **Okay I have probably mentioned this before but I just wanted to get something off my chest. I wanted people's opinions on my stories. The thing is the reviews I am getting seem to be decreasing rapidly. Sometimes I post a chapter and I get like one review, sometimes none at all. It's the same when I post a new story. It means a lot to writers to get feedback because then they know what people honestly think of their work. If you do read a chapter and enjoy it, then take the time to leave some sort of feedback, even if it is just one word. It'll mean a lot, thank you.**

Chapter Five

The next day, Connie received a text from Lily that said she wasn't coming in. According to the text she was sick again but Connie found it extremely suspicious, especially after yesterday. She sighed deeply and read the text for the second time before dialling Lily's number so that she could speak to her properly. She answered, after what seemed like forever.

"Lily. Why aren't you in work?" Connie asked her, leaning back in her chair.

"I told you," Lily groaned from the other end of the phone. "I'm sick."

"Are you sure it isn't just an excuse to not come into work?" Connie asked. "Because that's what it's beginning to sound like."

"What makes you think that?" Lily asked.

"Lily," Connie sighed. "If something is going on then I would like to know. This isn't like you to take random days off, it isn't like you to bring knives into work and it certainly isn't like you to storm off in the middle of a conversation and lock yourself in the on-call room. I don't know what to say anymore, Lily."

"You don't have to say anything," Lily said. "I've thrown up again so just get off of the phone and let me rest."

"And it isn't like you to go talking to your boss with that tone," Connie muttered under her breath. "Look, Lily," she said in a louder voice. "If you're struggling this much with the pressure of work, book some time off. I'd rather you do that before you end up getting yourself fired."

"You wouldn't fire me," Lily mumbled, sounding like she was under a duvet.

"Try me," Connie threatened. "Because if this behaviour carries on, I am very close to it." Lily didn't answer. "Why don't you try coming into work today?" Connie suggested. "Hmm. We can talk properly, face to face. Would that be okay?"

"You don't understand," Lily whined.

Connie held the phone away from her ear, beginning to find it hard with understanding Lily. She rolled her eyes and held the phone to her ear again so Lily could carry on talking.

"Understand what?" Connie asked, encouraging her to talk.

"I...I c...Can't..." Lily stuttered. "I can't leave my room. Please don't make me, I feel sick."

"I just want to talk to you," Connie whispered, sensing the fear in Lily's voice. "You're not in trouble."

"Then come round here instead!" Lily shouted. "I can't come to work, Mrs Beauchamp. I just...I can't explain."

"I have lots of work to do," Connie said. "I cannot just leave the department running by itself. I care about you but if I want to talk to you, I need you to come to the ED."

And with that, Lily had hung up the phone. Connie slammed her mobile onto her desk in frustration and left the office, going to find Zoe. She was standing by the reception desk with Rita.

"I need you to do me a favour," Connie whispered in Zoe's ear. Zoe nodded, turning to show that she was listening. "I have lots of work to do here but are you able to go to Lily's place for me?"

"Why?" Zoe asked. "Is she okay?"

"I...I don't know..." Connie began. "She's called in sick again. I just need you to go round there and either talk to her or convince her to come into work so I can at least have a word with her."

"I can do that," Zoe said.

Connie nodded. "I have spoken to her on the phone. She hung up on me and if you can't get her to come here, I want you to note down every single detail of the conversation you have with her. Understand?"

"Got it," Zoe replied. "Trust me, Connie. I'll talk to her."

* * *

Zoe pulled up outside Lily's flat. Luckily she was in time to see someone leaving the block of flats so she could hop inside when the door was still open. She knew that if she pressed the buzzer, Lily probably wouldn't answer. She took the stairs up to Lily's flat and was surprised to see the door unlocked.

"Lily," she called, walking inside.

Dirty plates and other cutlery sat in the sink unwashed and Lily was lying in her bed in her room, tucked right under the duvet.

"Sweetheart," Zoe soothed and walked over. She sat on the edge of the bed and Lily sat up, hugging her knees to her chest. "Hey," Zoe whispered.

"How...How did you get in?" Lily choked out.

"Um...The door was unlocked," Zoe said.

"Sorry," Lily apologised. "I thought I...I thought I'd locked it."

"Clearly not," Zoe had to laugh. "Connie sent me round to check on you. She's a bit concerned."

"She didn't sound concerned," Lily said.

"I think she was warming up to that part," Zoe joked. "You did sort of hang up on her. Why aren't you in work?"

"I'm sick," Lily said straight away, as if she had been rehearsing that line all day.

"You don't look sick," Zoe said and placed the back of her hand on Lily's forehead. Lily swatted her away though. "What's going on?" Lily shrugged her shoulders and leaned against the back of her bed. "Talk to me, because I am not leaving this place until you do. Are you able to come into work with me?"

"No," Lily replied quietly and shook her head.

"Right," Zoe sighed. "Because Connie wants you to come into work to have a chat with her. If not, she wants me to talk to you."

"You," Lily said. "Please. I...I can't come into work."

"Do you want to tell me why?" Zoe asked.

"I'm scared," Lily admitted. "I just...I just can't come into work. Please don't make me."

"Right," Zoe repeated and moved to sit beside Lily. She gave her a reassuring smile and placed an arm round her shoulder. "Start from the beginning."

 **I hope you guys liked the chapter :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**TheAtomicCheesepuff: Thank you and let's hope so :)**

 **CBloom2: Zoe will be able to help :)**

 **chels: Thank you. I'm glad you're enjoying it :)**

 **sweeet-as-honey: Thanks. I'm good at writing anxiety scenes mainly because I know how it feels. I don't tend to write much Zoe but sometimes I quite like it :)**

 **scarlettmitchel1995: Me too and I also feel sorry for Cal. I suppose you have to, it kind of isn't his fault. Good luck with your job, I hope you like it :)**

 **LillyMayFlower: Let's hope she can. I'm not a massive fan of Cal myself but I thought I should try something different :)**

 **Ally: Thanks. That means a lot :)**

Chapter Six

"And she seemed really afraid," Zoe said, as she and Connie walked through the hospital corridors, each holding a pile of notes. Connie was nodding along, listening intensely as Zoe updated her on what had happened with Lily when she'd gone to visit her. "It just wasn't like her at all."

"So you couldn't convince her to come into work then?" Connie asked, without looking up from the notes.

Zoe shook her head. "No," she sighed. "Sorry."

"Did she say why she was scared?" Connie asked. "I need the full story, Zoe. Small details aren't helpful, I need everything that she said to you."

"I don't know," Zoe said and shrugged her shoulders. "She didn't tell me why she was scared. All she said was that she was struggling to leave her bedroom, let alone the house. She got a tight feeling in her chest and she panicked."

"Has she taken anything for it?" Connie asked.

"Well, I think it's only been happening for about a week or so," Zoe said. "But she did say she'd taken some of those Kalms tablets, the ones you can buy in shops."

"Well that isn't any good," Connie scoffed and ran a hand through her hair. "I don't know. We cannot have one of our most promising doctor's developing some sort of social anxiety disorder."

"Do you think that's what it is?" Zoe asked her. "Lily has never really strike me as the anxious type."

"But she's sensitive, isn't she?" Connie pointed out, stopping to lean against the desk. "She's sensitive and if...If something happens or upsets her, then...Then she's going to worry and panic and..."

"But it isn't just worry," Zoe interrupted. "It's like...It's proper full on panic, Connie. I'm sure that if we dragged her into work right here, right now, then she'd have a full blown panic attack."

"Well she can't work like that," Connie added. "She can't be treating patients in a panic."

"That isn't the only problem though," Zoe said, trying to make Connie see sense. "The problem is that she's struggling to come into work anyway. You should have seen the state of her, she was in bed still in pyjamas whilst hiding under the duvet, the door was unlocked and the washing up hadn't even been done."

"So what do we do?" Connie asked.

"Well firstly we need to help her," Zoe said. "And getting angry is not going to help her. If...If Lily knows that she doesn't have to work, she...She might be able to make her way into the ED. With our help of course."

"But is it the work that is the problem?" Connie asked. "Is it the work or the fact that she has to step outside? Social anxiety can be quite severe. People can step outside and panic, immediately thinking that something bad is going to happen. She may be fine at work but the journey between home and work could affect her."

"What are you saying then?" Zoe said.

"What I'm saying is we need to try and work out what it is exactly that's panicking her," Connie said. "So we can help her. She can't be camping out under her duvet constantly. She's twenty six, she has her whole life ahead of her."

"Yeah," Zoe whispered in agreement.

"How was she when you left?" Connie asked.

"Well she'd been crying when I was there," Zoe mentioned. "But when I left, she seemed fine. She just went back to sleep."

"That isn't exactly fine," Connie mumbled. "It must have been about noon when you left." She sighed and turned to look at Zoe. "And you're certain she didn't tell you why she was scared?"

"Positive," Zoe said. "I was there, Connie. Trust me, I should know whether she told me or not."

"I'll write her an email," Connie said. "Are you okay to be in charge for a bit?"

Zoe nodded and took the notes from Connie. The clinical lead headed off to her office and shut the door but not before putting the 'Do Not Disturb' sign up. She had to draft out an email to Lily in peace and she wasn't going to get that if she had everybody barging into her office every ten to fifteen minutes. She opened up her emails, typed in Lily's email address and kept her fingers hovered over the keypad. After thinking about it for what seemed like forever, she typed something.

 _Good afternoon, Doctor Chao,_

 _I hope you are doing well. Doctor Hanna has informed me on what happened earlier when she visited you at home. However hard it may be, I would like you to come into Holby ED so that we can have a proper chat about whatever might be going on. I understand you may be hesitant after the last conversation we had, however I assure you that my only concern is for your health and your safety._

 _Kind regards_

 _Connie Beauchamp_

 **I hope you liked the chapter. The email was quite hard to write.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Tato Potato: Yeah I hope so :)**

Chapter Seven:

Connie wasn't sure if Lily was going to show up for work the next day. It was five to nine and she still hadn't arrived. The clinical lead sighed deeply to herself as she got to making a Hot Chocolate for when Lily did choose to show up. She even added extra cream and marshmallows, hoping that it would make her feel at ease in the workplace. She had just finished it off when Zoe walked in.

"Lily's arrived," she whispered. "Want me to bring her in?"

Connie nodded. "Please," she said. "I'll be in the board room. How is she?" Zoe didn't say anything but just shrugged her shoulders. Connie nodded at her with a smile and Zoe left to go and help Lily out.

Connie picked up the mug and left the staff room, making her way towards the board room. The room was fairly big with a table and loads of chairs. A screen was stood at the front for when presentations were given and a cabinet full of mugs and other cutlery stood in the corner. Connie placed the mug on the table and set out some chairs, trying her best to make sure that Lily would be comfortable. The door soon opened and Zoe walked in with Lily following close behind.

She didn't look ready for work, she didn't look as if she'd slept properly. She wore baggy trousers, a baggy sweatshirt with a hood and converse. Her hair was tied back into a messy ponytail, she had bags under her eyes and she wasn't even wearing any make-up. Connie didn't know what to say to her, she was shocked.

"How are you doing?" She asked softly, but Lily just looked at her fearfully. "Well sit down, I made you a Hot Chocolate."

Lily stayed where she was, just staring at the table. It was as if she was trying to work out where the safest place to sit was.

"Take your time," Connie muttered quietly.

"Lily," Zoe gently said and placed a hand on her shoulder. Lily flinched and Zoe quickly removed her hand. "Just sit anywhere," Zoe continued. "You're safe here. It's just the three of us and Connie has made you a comforting drink, okay? You can sit away from us or you can sit near us, it's up to you."

Lily moved away from Zoe swiftly and took a seat right at the other end of the table, as far away from them as possible. Connie smiled sympathetically and placed the mug in front of her before sitting down with Zoe opposite where Lily was sat.

"You got my email then," Connie stated. "I'm glad. You um...You did well for coming in today. Well done."

"Do you understand why you're here, Lily?" Zoe asked and Lily faintly nodded her head. "You're not in any trouble. We just want to help you. Do you...Do you get panic attacks?"

"Sometimes," Lily whispered.

"What do you think triggers them?" Connie asked. "Because you haven't always been like it, have you? We've known you for quite a while now, Lily. You're usually fine at work."

"I just get nervous," Lily whispered, speaking for the first time that morning. "Leaving the house. I don't like it."

"I want to ask you a question," Connie said. "Is it leaving the house that is the problem? You're safe at home, aren't you?" Lily nodded. "Do you feel safe at work? Are you okay here now?"

"Yeah," Lily replied quietly and nodded her head. "It's just...I can't explain it."

"Just try your best," Zoe said. "Take your time."

"I don't feel safe when I step outside," Lily said. "When I have to go to new places. I'm fine at work and I'm fine at home, it's just the bits in between...It's the not knowing what is going to happen."

"Has something happened to cause this, Lily?" Connie asked.

Lily had the opportunity to tell her there, to tell her what had happened. She didn't though. Instead of telling the truth, she just lied and shook her head.

"It's just how you feel," Zoe whispered.

"Yes," Lily answered and self consciously took a small sip of the drink that Connie had made her.

"You're too young to be feeling like this, Lily," Zoe said. "You shouldn't be worrying about things too much at your age. We can get you help for it, we don't mind that."

"I'm fine at work," Lily said defensively.

"That may be the case but you just admitted that you struggle to leave the house," Connie said. "And to get to work, that needs to happen. We can't have you taking random days off because you're having a bad day and feeling too anxious to leave your bed. We either need to get you some counselling in place, look at putting you on some form of medication or even go for both options. We can't just leave it alone."

"I don't want to be dosed up on tablets," Lily said. "People can get addicted to those things. I don't want to have to rely on them."

"If the anxiety gets any worst though, that may need to happen," Zoe pointed out. "You need to try and understand that we are only trying to help you."

"How about we reschedule a session for this afternoon?" Connie suggested. "Just you and me, talking about ways to help the anxiety. You're already here so you won't need to worry about getting there. Just name a time and I'll make sure I'm free."

Lily shrugged her shoulders. "Two o'clock?"

"Two o'clock is perfect." Connie grinned at her. "I look forward to it. Did you want to work today? Or you can sit in here and I'll get you a book to read or something?"

"I want to work," Lily said bravely. "Please."

"Okay," Connie said. "That's fine. We'll get you to work then and we'll meet in here at two for that meeting. Finish your Hot Chocolate though and take a breather, then you can get started."

"Thank you," Lily thanked her quietly.

"You are very welcome," Connie said. "We'll get you sorted out, don't you worry. No matter how long it takes, we'll help you."

 **Kind of based off my own experience, this chapter. I've recently booked a doctors appointment to see someone about my anxiety so let's see how that goes. I am going through a rough time so for the time being I've deleted "A Hidden Secret." It wasn't working out, especially as Honey isn't in it anymore. I've decided to focus on the stories and ideas I currently have on the go at the moment :)**


	8. Chapter 8

**CBloom2: My writing is always there if I need to offload. Sorry to hear about your daughter but I'm really glad she's getting better, that's lovely to hear. It can happen at any age, I'm 21 but my mum doesn't seem to understand why I'm panicking and worrying so much. Thank you so much for understanding :)**

 **Tato Potato: Thank you, let's hope so :)**

 **scarlettmitchell1995: I am now, thanks :)**

Chapter Eight

"Lily, it's two o'clock," Connie called over. "Are you ready?" Lily faintly nodded and headed over to stand beside Connie. Cal watched subtly as she headed on into Connie's office with the clinical lead. The door then shut behind them.

"Um...What did Mrs Beauchamp want with Lily?" Cal quietly asked his brother who was standing next to him.

"Oh," Ethan started rummaging through the stack of papers that was in front of him. "Lily's been having some quite small panic attacks. I think Mrs Beauchamp just wanted to talk to her about it, that's all."

"Panic attacks?" Cal frowned and Ethan nodded. "Um...Poor Lily, I guess."

"Yeah, bless her," Ethan sighed and turned to look at Cal. "Bro, you do realise that you stink of cigarettes right?"

"Sorry," Cal apologised.

"Cal, I thought you'd stopped," Ethan whined. "Smoking is dangerous and I don't want you getting lung cancer."

"I'm not going to," Cal groaned in frustration and ruffled Ethan's blonde hair. "Smoking just helps me, that's all. It helps me de-stress and in this work environment I think I need that."

"And you were seriously looking at becoming a consultant?" Ethan joked. "Dude, if you get stressed now as a registrar then..."

"Well that's never even going to happen, is it?" Cal asked. "Come on, could you really see me as a consultant?"

"Yeah, I can," Ethan said. "If you'd stop fooling and put the effort in, I think you could really do it."

"Doubt it," Cal muttered under his breath.

"Look," Ethan sighed and shoved a pile of patients notes at him. "Just stop being so bloody hard on yourself and deal with a patient."

* * *

"How are you doing?" Connie asked, sitting down in a chair opposite Lily. Lily shrugged her shoulders, feeling slightly awkward and uncomfortable. She didn't want to talk to Connie about her anxiety, it just made it worst. "Now as we both know I am not a counsellor but what I want to find out is what is causing these panic attacks and how can we stop them."

"They're not panic attacks," Lily defended. "I...I don't know what they are. I just get worried."

"Lily," Connie sighed. "Panic attacks are nothing to be ashamed of. I know the vast majority of the staff here have had them and I know I certainly have."

"You?" Lily asked. "When?"

"Quite a few times in life," Connie admitted. "When my dad died, when Grace was born premature. Panic attacks are more common than you think."

"I never knew that," Lily whispered.

"Honestly, it isn't something that people like to shout about," Connie said. "So I can understand why you don't want anyone to know. What do you think is causing them though? There's usually something."

"No idea," Lily replied and shrugged her shoulders. She couldn't tell Connie about the attack, not yet.

"You're hiding something," Connie said. "I can tell, your eyes are all shifty." Lily didn't answer her, just looked away so that she couldn't see Connie. "What worries me is this erratic behaviour when it comes to work. We cannot have it where we have no idea if you're going to show up or not, can we? You could end up losing your job Lily and I don't want that to happen because when it comes to being a doctor, you are one of the best."

"Sorry," Lily choked up.

"You're not in trouble, Lily," Connie told her. "We just need to get this sorted out. I want you to be able to come into work without panicking whether it's by therapy or medication or both."

"I don't need to be medicated," Lily hissed through gritted teeth. "I don't even need this stupid chat with you."

"Lily, no," Connie said gently and shook her head. "Please don't get defensive just because I'm saying stuff you don't want to hear. It doesn't get us anywhere."

"But I have work," Lily whined. "And I can't work if I have some ridiculous, stupid anxiety disorder!"

"Is this what this is all about?" Connie asked. "I'm sorry Lily, work is important but your health has to come first."

"But I don't want to be feeling like this," Lily sobbed. She'd been determined not to cry in front of Connie but then the tears just started falling and she couldn't stop them. "I'm Lily Chao, I'm the confident one! You've seen the way Doctor Hardy stupidly stutters and stumbles over his words, I can't be like that! I can't!"

"Okay do not start insulting everyone in this department because I may decide not to help you," Connie said sternly.

"Do that then!" Lily yelled. "I don't care."

"Lily, you're making it extremely difficult to talk to at the moment," Connie sighed. "I was hoping to have a mature, comfortable one to one chat with you but how can I when you just get defensive and angry?"

"It just makes me feel worst," Lily cried, pulling her knees up to her chest and holding her hands to her face. "I'm already feeling panicky."

"Come here," Connie whispered and moved to sit beside her. She wrapped an arm round her and rubbed her back. "We'll get you sorted out but you need to try as well. We've got that team building day coming up, do you remember?"

"What?" Lily sniffed.

"I organised that day for the majority of doctors and nurses," Connie said. "Full of team building exercises to help in the workplace. It'll be a day away from the ED so we've arranged plenty of cover but do you think you'll be able to tag along?" Lily shrugged her shoulders. "You can sit with me on the bus. We'll all look after you."

"I can try," Lily said and rubbed at her watery eyes. "I just panic about going outside and going to new places."

"I know," Connie said.

Connie just sat with Lily in silence, waiting until she'd stopped crying. She knew better than to force an anxious person to talk so all she could do now was be there for Lily and wait patiently until the junior doctor was ready.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

Lily couldn't do it. Connie had arranged for them all to go out for the day, to work on some team building activities to help how they act in the ED. She'd struggled coming into work that morning and now she had to go out to a place where she had never been before. She was sat under the table in the staffroom when Zoe walked in. Zoe lay down on her stomach and peered under at Lily, giving her a comforting smile.

"Can I come in?" She asked but Lily shook her head. "What's up?"

"I can't do it," Lily whispered.

"It's going to be a really fun day," Zoe told her. "I promise. It may be work related but it will still be fun." Lily said nothing and wiped at her watery eyes. "Everyone's waiting out by the bus. You can either come with us and have a nice day out or you can stay here with Dylan and Charlie. It's up to you."

Lily thought about it for a second. On one hand, she could stay at the ED but Charlie and Dylan didn't know about her anxiety that much or she could go out for the day with the others where she'd be around people who really understood.

"I...I'll come..." Lily stuttered.

"Well done," Zoe praised. "Come on. It can't be comfortable under the table."

Lily crawled out from under the table, a pair of scissors falling from her pocket. Zoe sighed, picked them up and slammed them on the table before guiding her out.

"Those can stay here," she said sternly, subtly checking Lily to see if she had anything else on her person. She didn't. "Come on, everyone's waiting for us."

They arrived outside and Connie smiled, pleased to see Lily had decided to join them.

"Take a seat at the front," Connie said and gave her a pat on the back. "I'll be there in a minute." Lily nodded and climbed on, sitting on the front seat behind Ethan who would be driving. "How is she?"

"She doesn't want to come along, she's feeling quite panicky," Zoe said. "And I also found a pair of scissors in her pocket."

"Did you take them off her?" Connie checked.

"No, I gave her three more pairs to take as well," Zoe replied sarcastically. "Of course I took them off her, Connie. Let's just go before she changes her mind."

"Fine," Connie sighed.

The two of them stepped onto the bus and Connie took the seat beside Lily. The junior doctor had her arms folded across her chest and was leaning her head against the window wearily. Connie could see her chest slowly rising up and down as she struggled to breathe.

"Hey," Connie whispered gently and held the map out for Lily to see. "Map duty? You just need to check if Ethan's going the right way."

Lily faintly nodded and took the map with shaking hands. Ethan started the engine and soon they were off. The journey seemed a long way for Lily, she flicked through the map occasionally speaking to Connie every now and then. Soon they were there though, at a wooded area with an obstacle course.

"This is our team building exercise?" Robyn asked in disgust as she looked out the window. "I wore my best shoes for nothing."

"What did you think team building meant, Robyn?" Zoe questioned, having to shake her head at the nurse.

"And I don't suppose you and Mrs Beauchamp will be joining in, right?" Ethan said, unstrapping himself.

"Right," Connie said. "Come on Lily. Come on, out you get."

Cal looked up from his seat when he heard Connie talking to Lily. He gulped and jumped as Lily started crying, refusing to get off the bus. What had he done? What had he done to someone who used to be so confident? He had to tell someone but he knew that he wouldn't get off easy.

"Doctor Hanna," he spoke up, seeing as Connie was busy trying to calm Lily down.

"Not now Cal," Zoe said. "Go on. Off the bus and I want you in pairs please. Robyn, just pair yourself with the boys until Lily's ready."

Robyn nodded and followed Cal and Ethan off the bus. Cal hesitated before stepping off, the guilt rising inside of him. Zoe shut the door of the bus and went to kneel down in front of Lily. She was crying and shaking and her forehead was now soaked in sweat.

"I...I can't breathe..." She choked out in between sobs.

"Okay darling," Zoe comforted and rubbed her shoulder. "Come on. You have done such an amazing job coming with us today, you should be proud of yourself."

"Trust me Lily," Connie said. "Once you are out there getting stuck in, you will soon forget about this anxiety. It's only there because your mind is focused on it too much." Lily wasn't listening though, she was glued to her seat. "How about just a walk through the woods then, with me?" Connie suggested. "Just the two of us, having a nice stroll and chat in the woods. That isn't scary, is it?"

"How about it Lily?" Zoe asked. "If it gets too much, you can always come back. You'll only be with Connie though."

Lily nodded, tears continuing to stream down her face.

"Come on then," Connie offered her hand out and helped Lily off of the bus. "We will see you in a bit, Zoe," Connie said and wrapped an arm around Lily, leading her off through a narrow pathway. "Nice day for a walk in the woods."

"My chest feels all tight," Lily whispered.

"Just nice steady breaths for me," Connie coached. "Focus on where you are, forget about everything. You will soon feel better." Lily stayed silent, trying to follow Connie's techniques. "Is there anything you would like to tell me?" Connie asked. "It's just the two of us so now is the time."

"No," Lily whispered. "There isn't anything."

"Are you sure?" Connie asked and Lily nodded. "Okay," she sighed. "I believe you. We'll walk round for a bit and then we'll head back, yeah?"

"Yeah," Lily repeated in a small voice. "Thank you."

"For what?" Connie asked.

"You seem to understand," Lily said. "I like that."

"Because I know what it's like to feel too scared to leave the house," Connie said. "You need to learn to trust me Lily and if there was anything that you needed to tell me, then you need to tell me soon."

"I know." Lily paused, looking into Connie's eyes before whispering, "but there isn't."

 **I hope you liked the chapter :)**


	10. Chapter 10

**Tato Potato: Let's hope so :)**

 **ETWentHome: He seems to feel quite guilty :)**

 **LillyMayFlower: Hopefully someone will confess to what happened soon :)**

 **sweeet-as-honey: I loved Zoe's sarcasm. And yeah I guess Cal was just owing up to what he did at the wrong time. I do love lovely and understanding Connie :)**

Chapter Ten

Lily seemed to feel better during the walk with Connie. There were no big crowds, no loud noises and she knew that Connie wouldn't allow anything bad to happen. Maybe the attack was just a one time thing but she was still scared, what if it happened again? She and Connie sat down on a bench in the middle of the woods to take a break and although Lily was tempted to tell her what happened, she didn't.

"I used to collect stones when I was younger," Connie said, handing a stone over to Lily.

"Why?" Lily asked, holding it in the palm of her hand.

"I found them interesting," Connie said and shrugged her shoulders. "You get so many different shapes and colours. My favourites were the ones that looked like crystal though."

"This one's pretty," Lily mentioned.

"Do you feel safe here?" Connie asked and Lily nodded after a moment of hesitation. "Why don't you take that stone back with you then, as a memory? Whenever you feel anxious or scared, you can hold it."

"Don't you want it?" Lily asked.

"I don't collect stones anymore, Lily," Connie laughed and glanced at her watch. "We should head back. The others will be wondering where we are."

"Already?" Lily whined and stuffed the stone into her pocket.

"I'm afraid so," Connie sighed and stood up. "Come on."

They walked back to the team building area in silence, Lily fiddling anxiously with the stone in her pocket. Cal, Ethan and Robyn were all laughing and pushing each other off of the rope bridges. It looked as if they'd had enough of the team building.

"This isn't what I had in mind," Connie said, standing next to Zoe. "Are they learning at all?"

"They did do the exercises," Zoe said. "But they finished early, got bored and decided to act like children." She smiled and turned to Lily. "Good walk, Lily?" Lily nodded faintly, shyly leaning against Connie. "Give them ten more minutes. They're having fun."

"We're still meant to be working," Connie said. "This isn't a bloody school trip." She sighed and looked to Lily. "Are you going to have a go?"

"Do I have to?" Lily whispered.

"It'd be nice to join in, Lily," Zoe put in. "You might enjoy it."

"They're not meant to be enjoying it, Doctor Hanna," Connie muttered and rubbed Lily's back. "Go. Go and join in." Lily remained rooted to the spot though, her arms folded protectively across her chest. "Lily. Go on."

"Everyone's watching me," Lily whispered in a choked up sob.

"No one is watching you," Connie said. "You're just a tad self conscious at the moment. Come on, stop with the paranoia."

"I'm not paranoid!" Lily yelled in tears. "I didn't even want to come on this stupid trip anyway!" She then shoved past Connie and stormed back up the hill to where the bus was waiting. Everyone watched, unsure of what to do. Cal felt angry though, not at Lily, but at himself.

"I can't take it anymore!" He shouted and chucked his jacket to the ground before walking off through the woods on his own.

"Right well we're now two doctors down," Connie said with a small sigh. "Doctor Hardy!"

"Yes?" Ethan looked from the woods to Connie.

"What's wrong with your brother?" She asked but Ethan just shrugged his shoulders. "Go after him please. I need to talk to Lily." Ethan nodded at once and hurried off after Cal, whilst Robyn just stayed put. Connie trekked back up the hill and climbed onto the bus to see Lily sat in one of the seats, staring out the window. "It's just me," Connie whispered gently. "Can I sit?"

Lily shrugged her shoulders.

"I'm alone," Connie said and sat down on the seat beside her. "Couldn't do it, huh? You are worrying me so much right now and I honestly don't know what to say to you. It's this behaviour, we all know that it isn't like you at all. You're ruining things for yourself, allowing this anxiety to take over. It can't be much fun for you."

Lily didn't say anything.

"I want you to do something for me," Connie said. "Close your eyes, take a deep breath. Now imagine yourself walking through a beautiful country lane. The sun is shining, you're on your own, everything is lovely."

Lily tried her best. She pictured herself walking through the country. The sun shone down on her, but then it started to rain. Everything went dark, someone pounced on her and she tried to scream but couldn't.

"No!" Lily yelled, her eyes snapping open. "No." She shook her head and gulped, suddenly realising that she was on the bus with Connie next to her.

"It's okay," the clinical lead comforted and rubbed her back. "It's okay. What happened?"

"I..." Lily tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and shook her head. "I don't know."

* * *

"What's going on with you?" Ethan asked, as he and Cal sat side by side on a bench together. It was the exact same bench that Lily and Connie had sat on earlier, not that they knew that. "What?" Ethan scoffed. "Just because Lily is getting the attention, you feel you need it as well. We're not children here, Caleb."

"It's not that," Cal whispered.

"Then what is it?" Ethan asked. "Come on dude, you're kind of scaring me here."

"I just can't do it," Cal sighed and ran his hands down his face.

"Do what?" Ethan questioned.

"This!" Cal yelled. "Get on with my life as if nothing's happened."

"Cal," Ethan sighed and shook his head. "Is this to do with Joel?"

"Joel's my mate," Cal said.

"Yeah but his gang is bad news," Ethan said. "You're better than this, Cal. You can't go getting yourself into trouble."

Cal paused and slowly turned his head so he could look his brother in the eyes. "I already have."


	11. Chapter 11

**Tato Potato: Me too :)**

 **ETWentHome: Yeah you'll soon see what happens in this chapter :)**

 **scarlettmitchell1995: I will never stop. I'm hoping to be published one day :)**

 **sweeet-as-honey: We will soon see. I like Connie in this :)**

Chapter Eleven

Everyone arrived back to the ED as if Christmas had been cancelled. Zoe and Connie were both in bad moods, Cal and Ethan weren't talking to each other, Robyn was just feeling awkward and Lily was still in tears, shaking anxiously. Charlie met them all outside but he knew instantly that the team building day had not gone as planned.

"Bad day?" He asked, as Lily shoved past him and stormed into the ED. "What happened?"

"Everyone's arguing," Connie sighed. "Lily's mad at me and everyone else in the world by the looks of things, Cal and Ethan are mad at each other."

"Come inside," Charlie said and gestured for Connie and Zoe to follow him. "Lily, do you want to come in with us as well?" Lily glared at him, her hands shaking. "Now would be nice." Lily nodded and followed the three of them into a board room. "Right. What's gone on?" He grabbed a cup of water from the machine in the room and placed it on the table for Lily.

"Everything," Connie sighed and leaned back against the wall with her arms crossed. She glanced across at Lily who'd taken a seat and was resting her head on the table. "Lily, are you okay darling?"

"What's happened?" Charlie asked.

"Lily was attacked," Connie whispered softly.

"What?" Charlie frowned at her. "When?"

"Not sure." Connie shrugged her shoulders. "But it's the reason why she's too scared to go anywhere. She just feels too nervous, in case it happens again."

"Who was it, Lily?" Charlie asked and sat on the chair next to her to comfort her.

"I...I don't know..." Lily stuttered, looking up from the desk and running her hands down her face. "It was dark. I didn't see who it was."

"Hey," Connie soothed and stroked at Lily's hair. "Well done for telling me what happened though. That was very brave of you."

"I was just fed up of hiding it," Lily sobbed. "And everyone was getting annoyed at me for things that weren't my fault."

"We're here to help, Lily," Zoe spoke up, she'd been standing by the door in silence. "Don't ever feel like you can't talk to us."

"Can I have a look at your back?" Connie asked Lily who gave her a faint nod. "Good girl," Lily praised, slowly lifting Lily's t-shirt. There were scars and marks all over her back, left from the attack. "Okay did...Did this man do anything to you sexually at all?"

"No." Lily shook her head and shifted uncomfortably. "Just...Just hurt me, that's all."

"And you're absolutely certain that you didn't see the face of this guy?" Connie asked.

Lily nodded. "Positive."

* * *

"You attacked Lily?" Ethan practically yelled, slamming the door to the staffroom so that he and his brother could have some privacy. "What the hell were you thinking?"

"I didn't know it was Lily," Cal mumbled and ran his hands down his face, as he sat on the sofa.

"So you were basically just attacking some poor, innocent woman for no reason?" Ethan asked. "That's still bad, Cal. Even if you didn't know it was Lily, you still attacked someone!"

"I'm sorry, okay?" Cal snapped and stood up from the sofa. "I'm sorry. I...I feel awful! I know I shouldn't have done it but for once in my life I felt like I had some control and it felt good!" He sighed and hung his head. "It felt good at the time, okay? Good at the time but now I...I just feel so horribly guilty, I can't take it anymore."

"Just answer one question for me," Ethan said. "Why did you do it?"

"Because..." Cal paused for another sigh. "I don't know who I am anymore, Ethan. I feel...I feel lost and...When I'm with those guys, I just forget everything and it makes me feel better about myself."

"You are a talented doctor with a bright future," Ethan told him. "You don't need to feel lost, Caleb." He looked at his brother sympathetically and placed a hand on Cal's shoulder. "You need to tell someone what you've done and it'll be up to Lily on whether she wants to press charges or not."

"I can't go to prison, Ethan," Cal choked up. "I just can't."

"You should have thought about that beforehand," Ethan said.

"You...You won't tell anyone about this, will you?" Cal questioned. "Please bro, d...Don't. I'm begging you."

"I won't tell anyone, Cal," Ethan said. "But only because YOU need to tell them yourself. I can't keep fighting your battles for you, I'm sorry."

"Lily will never talk to me again," Cal whispered.

"She may do," Ethan comforted. "But look at what you've done to her. She's absolutely terrified to leave the house and all because you didn't think beforehand. You could have stopped this Cal, you could have refused to attack her. But you didn't though, did you? You collapsed under peer pressure."

"I know," Cal said guiltily. "I know. I...I need you to help me. I'm sorry, I can't be strong on my own, I just can't. I...Ethan, I need you to help me, bro."

"I will," Ethan promised in a gentle voice and rubbed at Cal's shoulder. "I will because that's what brothers are for."


	12. Chapter 12

**Tato Potato: So am I :)**

 **CBloom2: Haha I don't think you can, he's too lovely :)**

 **Jynx999: Thank you. I get what you're saying and I'll be honest and say I feel more comfortable writing about Lily. I don't think I write about Cal and Ethan very well but I'm trying. This whole chapter is focused on Cal and although now people are starting to find out, there will still be some struggles with him and this gang. I'm planning on bringing the gang into the next chapter actually. I'm glad that you're enjoying the story though. I was scared that people would hate it because the characters are so OOC haha :)**

 **ETWentHome: It could go both ways but hopefully Lily finds out who it is soon :)**

 **sweeet-as-honey: I love how supportive Ethan is. I also like Charlie and Connie scenes, their friendship is amazing :)**

Chapter Twelve

Cal knew that he couldn't talk to Connie about what he'd done, not until he'd told someone else first anyway. He thought about talking to Zoe but she was helping out quite a bit with treating Lily's injuries and he wasn't sure what her reaction would really be like. His next bet was Charlie, a man who he looked up to and a man who he had always trusted. Surely Charlie understood about the struggles of peer pressure. He'd been on the planet for about sixty years, he must have experienced it at some point in his life.

Charlie was in reception, having a word with Rita about a patient who he'd been previously treating. Feeling anxious and remembering his brother's words, he slowly made his way over to them.

"Charlie," he whispered, struggling to hold back his tears. "Can I...Can I have a word, when you have a moment?"

"Of course," Charlie promised him. "Is...Is there something wrong?"

"Yeah, I guess you could say that," Cal replied, with a hint of uncertainty in his voice.

"Rita, I'll discuss this with you later," Charlie said, passing her a bunch of notes. "This seems important."

Rita nodded and gave Cal a reassuring smile to try and comfort him. Charlie placed a hand on Cal's back and led him away. The two of them headed outside for some fresh air, where it was a lot less quieter than inside the ED itself.

"Let's have a man to man chat then, shall we?" Charlie joked, chuckling to himself. "What's going on? You look as if you've just seen a ghost."

"I...I just don't know what to do anymore, Charlie," Cal said, leaning on the railings in front of him.

"Hey," Charlie whispered. "What do you mean?"

"I hate who I've become," Cal choked out a small sob. "But then I also hate who I was before. I met some people, but they made me do bad things that I didn't want to do."

"People?" Charlie asked and frowned at him. "Real?"

"Yes!" Cal yelled. "I'm not fucking mentally ill, of course they're real. Ask Ethan if you don't believe me, he knows them. It...It's this gang but they get into trouble and I...I've done some bad things, Charlie. Really bad things."

"Could you not have said no to them?" Charlie asked.

Cal shook his head. "I just felt so lost. I...I was scared and I hated who I was, I wanted to change and become a different person."

"But it sounds like you haven't changed for the better," Charlie said.

Cal shook his head again. "I haven't," he cried. "And I really regret everything I've done. I...I don't want to be like it anymore."

"Well it isn't too late," Charlie said. "To change I mean. What...What are some of the things that you've done, if you don't mind me asking?"

"Graffiti," Cal answered and shrugged his shoulders. "Throwing stones at the windows of houses, just...Stuff that gets you into trouble with the police like...Attacking people. Attacking strangers or...Even people you know..."

He trailed off and Charlie's eyes widened, suddenly realising what Cal was talking about. The older man sighed and shook his head, rubbing at his face with his hands.

"I didn't know it was her," Cal continued, wiping his nose on his sleeve. "Honestly. They just told me to do it and I...I couldn't stop myself. I feel awful Charlie, I haven't been able to sleep or eat and I...I hate myself for it."

"Have you any idea what you've done?" Charlie asked. "Not only is Lily injured but she's also experiencing quite severe panic attacks."

"I know." Cal nodded, making very little eye contact. "I know and I'm sorry."

"It isn't me you should be apologising to," Charlie sighed deeply. "Does anyone else know about this?"

"Just Ethan," Cal said. "I can't tell Mrs Beauchamp."

"She'll need to know," Charlie told him. "And so will Lily. You can't just let this slide, Caleb. You need to get yourself out of that gang before you get into any more trouble."

"It isn't that easy, Charlie," Cal said.

"Maybe...Maybe you should consider having a chat with Ben," Charlie said. "He could help you," he quickly added, after seeing the panicked expression on Cal's face.

"I'm not having counselling, Charlie," Cal refused. "I can't. Please don't make me talk to Ben."

"Just think about it," Charlie said. "Because it could honestly help you."

"What do you think I should do?" Cal whispered.

"Well your first port of call is telling Connie, and Lily," Charlie said. "Connie is your boss at the end of the day and Lily is the poor person you attacked. She may understand, she may not. Either way though, she still needs to know."

"Thanks Charlie," Cal thanked him. "I um...I really needed that."

"You're welcome," Charlie said and gave him a pat on the back. "And I'm going to get you that appointment with Ben, okay?"

"What?" Cal shook his head and screwed his eyes up. "But I said..."

"I know," Charlie interrupted him. "But it's for your own good."

 **I didn't realise but this is sort of what Cal is like in the show at the moment. With the storyline of his mum and stuff, he's kind of steering towards a breakdown. I'm not used to writing Cal as the main character so I hope the chapter was okay :)**


	13. Chapter 13

**Guest: I do love their** **relationship. Lily will find out soon, thanks for reviewing :)**

 **Jynx999: You're welcome and I hope so, haha. I think they are changing, you're right. Thanks for your lovely comments, they mean a lot :)**

 **sweeet-as-honey: Thanks, I am starting to write more about Cal. I do like him and Ethan. I like that as well :)**

 **Tato Potato: Thank you and Merry Christmas to you as well :)**

 **ETWentHome: It was the right thing :)**

Chapter Thirteen

Connie was in her office when Charlie walked in without knocking. Seeing as it was Charlie, she saved the lecture and just stopped what she was doing to listen to him. He gave her a small smile and shut the door behind her.

"How's Lily doing?" He asked.

Connie sighed and nodded her head. "Better," she said. "She's sitting with Doctor Hanna at the moment. I think the rest could be doing her some good."

"Um...Have you called the police yet?" Charlie asked.

"No." Connie shook her head. "We don't even know who did it, Charlie. Besides, Zoe wants Lily to try and take everything in first before we call the police in to talk about what happened."

"Right, because before you do..." Charlie started to say. "Has Cal come in to speak to you?"

"No," Connie said. "Why?"

"He had something to say," Charlie said, frowning at the clinical lead. "I was kind of hoping that he'd do it as soon as possible."

"Honestly Charlie, I haven't seen Cal since we got back," Connie told him. "I couldn't tell you where he is."

"Interesting," Charlie said and quickly left the office to go and look for Cal. He saw Ethan in reception. "Ethan!" He called. "Have you seen your brother?" Ethan just shook his head though. Charlie sighed and pulled his mobile out of his pocket to give Cal a ring.

"What's happened?" Ethan asked nervously.

"No answer," Charlie said, removing the phone from his ear. "He was meant to be talking to Connie about...He said you knew..."

"About attacking Lily," Ethan whispered quietly so that no one would hear. "Yeah. I know."

"He was meant to be talking to Connie about it," Charlie said. "And I've just found out he hasn't and I can't find him anywhere."

"Okay," Ethan said and slammed his folder shut. "Okay. Well, he...He can't have gone far. I'll help you look for him."

"Thanks Ethan," Charlie thanked him.

Charlie and Ethan searched everywhere but Cal was no where to be seen. Charlie had promised himself that he wasn't going to tell anyone what Cal had done, he'd promised Cal as well but it had got to the point where Connie needed to be informed.

"What the hell is going on?" Connie asked. "I have Lily in floods of tears and you two wandering around the department like a pair of lost sheep. I can't be having any of this today."

"Cal's gone," Charlie said.

"What do you mean he's gone?" Connie frowned.

"He's gone," Charlie repeated. "He isn't here. He's ran off."

"Well is that a problem?" Connie asked. "He's a grown man, he'll come back."

"He's vulnerable, Mrs Beauchamp," Ethan piped up. "We need to find my brother."

"There...There's been some stuff going on..." Charlie said. "He..." He looked to Connie who was stood impatiently waiting for him to finish his sentence. "He was the one who attacked Lily. We need to find him before he seriously dangers himself."

"And he admitted this to you, did he?" Connie asked.

"Please don't be angry at him," Ethan begged. "Not now. We...We need to find him, he's in a really bad place right now. He's lost who he is."

"Come on," Connie sighed. "We'll take my car. Zoe can manage the department for the time being."

Charlie nodded and smiled at her. "Thanks Connie."

"Just don't breathe a word about this to Lily, okay?" Connie said. "I don't think she's quite ready to know who her attacker is yet."

* * *

"So any idea where he could be then?" Connie asked, as she drove. Charlie sat in the passenger seat and Ethan sat in the back, constantly looking out both windows for any sign of his brother. "Doctor Hardy, could he be at home?"

"No," Ethan sighed and shook his head. "No, he wouldn't go home. He'd go somewhere he wouldn't want to be found, or...Charlie, do you know where Crawley Avenue is?"

"Yes, why?" Charlie answered.

"He could be there," Ethan said. "The alleyway next to that old bakers."

Connie grimaced as she changed gear. "Why would he be down an alleyway of all places?"

"That's where his gang normally meet," Ethan told her. "Trust me, Connie."

Connie sighed and nodded her head.

"Turn left here," Charlie said, beginning to direct the clinical lead towards Crawley Avenue. "I remember that bakery, used to go loads as a kid. What is it now?"

"It isn't anything," Ethan said. "Just some abandoned building. Not many people go along there though, I think that's why they always chose to meet there."

"Am I going the right way?" Connie asked, slowing at a red light.

Charlie and Ethan both nodded at her in unison. Charlie kept giving Connie directions and soon they reached Crawley Avenue. Connie found a spot outside the old, abandoned bakery and Ethan jumped out. Charlie and Connie followed after him.

"I can't see him," Ethan whispered, slamming the door shut. "I...I was sure that he'd be here." He sighed heavily and chewed on his lower lip, looking up at the abandoned building. "Unless..."

"Ethan, no," Charlie said and shook his head. "It isn't safe in there."

"This is my brother we're talking about, Charlie!" Ethan yelled.

He stormed towards the building, surprised to see that what used to be the front door was open. He gulped anxiously and walked inside, the old, wooden floorboards creaking beneath his feet. The place was dark, wet and full of cobwebs.

"Cal!" He called out, hoping that his brother's voice would echo back. "Cal, where are you?"

There was just the one room downstairs and it was clear that Cal was no where to be seen. He stepped onto the bottom step and gripped the railings that led up to the top floor. He stepped onto the next one and immediately his foot fell through.

"Come on, Ethan," he encouraged himself. "You can do it. Cal!"

He walked slowly up the old staircase until he reached the top and there he saw Cal sat on the floor against the wall, knees hugged to his chest, tears streaming down his face.

"Cal," Ethan whispered. "Come on. We...We need to get you out of here."

"What's the point?" Cal muttered under his breath.

"It isn't safe in here, Cal," Ethan told him. "Please. Come...Come with me."

"No, Ethan!" Cal screamed through gritted teeth. "No! My life is fucking over, do you not understand that? I can't take it anymore!"

"Cal, please," Ethan pleaded. "We can fix this. I promise. Connie and Charlie are outside, just...Just come down and we can help you."

"No!"

The staircase rattled and so did every single wall. Ethan gulped and glanced up to see that water was dripping from the ceiling. Charlie had been right, the building wasn't safe to go into.

"Cal," Ethan choked up, tears pricking his eyes. "Please. Come on."

"I'm not leaving," Cal whispered.

Ethan knew that there was only one thing to do. He took a deep breath and slowly and cautiously walked towards his older brother. He sat down on the cold, hard floorboards and gave his hand a squeeze. Cal sniffed and rested his head against his shoulder and the two of them sat in silence, holding hands.

Outside, Connie and Charlie waited and waited until there was a loud crash and the building collapsed right there in front of them.

 **Please check out my new story "Beautiful Things." It's another Lily/Cal/Ethan story.**


	14. Chapter 14

**Tato Potato: Let's hope so :)**

 **Glittergirl12: I think you're right and thanks, I'm getting used to writing about him more and more :)**

 **TheAtomicCheesepuff: I like a good cliffhanger :)**

 **ETWentHome: I love cliffhangers, I just hate reading them :)**

 **sweeet-as-honey: Glad you liked Ethan. I also thought that it was beautiful :)**

 **Guest: Sorry I wasn't able to update the same day. Work's been manic :)**

Chapter Fourteen

Lily was just sat resting her head against Zoe's shoulder. Tears formed in her eyes and she just stared straight ahead, refusing to talk. Zoe knew not to bother her, just kept a protective arm around her and rubbed her back. She wasn't sure if it was comforting Lily that much but she hoped it helped slightly.

"Zoe!" Rita burst into the room, completely red faced and out of breath. "We need to clear resus. Ethan and Cal have been in an accident."

"What's happened?" Zoe asked, as Lily lifted her head at the news.

"Cal went missing and...They found him in an abandoned building," Rita informed her. "Ethan went in after him and the whole building just fell on them."

"Are...Are they okay?" Lily stuttered, wiping away one of her tears with the back of her hand.

Rita shrugged her shoulders. "We don't know yet but Connie and Charlie are there and the paramedics have gone out as well. We just need to clear some beds in resus and prep for them both."

Zoe nodded, as Rita headed out.

"Are...Are they going to be okay?" Lily panicked. She was already emotional and after hearing that the two brothers had been in an accident, she felt worst. Zoe sensed it though and immediately gave her a hug.

"Hey, they will be fine," she comforted. "We'll get them sorted out. They're in the best care."

"Will Connie have to treat them?" Lily asked. "I kind of wanted her to sit with me. I...I don't overly want to be on my own."

"Well, I can sit with you," Zoe offered.

"But Connie's better at it than you," Lily whispered. Zoe shook her head, hiding her smile. "Sorry," Lily said. "I um..."

"No, no it's fine," Zoe cut her off. "You're right. She is better at it than I am, but only when dealing with you." Lily managed to laugh upon hearing that. "I'll treat Cal and Ethan and I'll make sure that Connie is able to sit and look after you. You have to understand though that Connie may have to take some time to help the boys."

"Okay," Lily whispered and nodded faintly. "I hope they're okay."

"They will be," Zoe reassured her. "They're strong."

* * *

"Connie! How are they?" Zoe asked, rushing over as soon as Ethan and Cal were wheeled in.

"Ethan seems fine, conscious but his head is bleeding quite a lot," Connie said. "Cal however was knocked unconscious and was trapped under some rubble. His pulse is extremely weak."

"Get them into resus!" Zoe yelled at the paramedics who quickly obeyed commands. "Lily is in your office," Zoe whispered to Connie. "I um...I know the boys need treating but she wanted you to sit with her."

"Well I can't," Connie said and shrugged her shoulders. "Sorry Doctor Hanna, I know Lily's upset and she's been through a lot but right now Cal and Ethan are the main priority."

"She doesn't like to be on her own," Zoe said. "And she won't let anyone else sit with her. I can get someone else to help me with the boys."

"Zoe," Connie sighed and turned to face her. "I'm sorry but Lily needs to learn that the world doesn't revolve around her. Cal and Ethan need our help and we need to give them that. I'll check on Lily after we've finished."

"Okay," Zoe whispered.

"Trust me, I am angry at Cal but as doctor's we need to be professional and treat him just like everyone else," Connie said.

"Why are you angry at him?" Zoe asked, as they headed into resus.

"It doesn't matter," Connie spat harshly and shook her head. "Right. How's he doing?"

"Please help him," Ethan croaked, as Rita fussed over him to make sure he was okay.

"We will," Connie promised him, as she and Zoe stood either side of Cal's bed. "Right. We need to clean him up and do chest compressions, quickly," she ordered. "Charlie, can you help us out please?" Charlie nodded as Connie slipped on a pair of gloves. "Okay Cal, you're going to be okay. Just stay strong." She glanced towards Charlie who'd arrived at her side. "I don't care what I said earlier. Lily needs to know."

"Know what?" Someone asked.

Everyone turned round and saw Lily standing in the doorway of resus with her arms folded across her chest.

"What the hell are you doing in here?" Connie snapped, as Zoe got to treating Cal. "Get out."

"I'm a doctor," Lily reminded her. "I'm allowed in here. What do I need to know, Connie?"

"Not right now you're not so do as you're told and get out," Connie said sternly. Lily remained where she was. "Now, Lily. I am being serious! Cal may have attacked you but right now you are not my priority, he still needs to be looked after!"

"What?" Lily's eyes widened, as tears pricked her eyes.

"Connie," Charlie whispered and shook his head.

Connie realised what she'd said and ran a hand down her face. Surprised at what had come out of Connie's mouth, Zoe just carried on with the chest compressions. Ethan and Rita were both looking at Lily in shock and with a slam of the door, Lily had rushed straight out of resus.


	15. Chapter 15

**ETWentHome: I did struggle on writing Connie in that chapter. I wasn't sure if she'd sit with Lily because she knew what Cal had done. Then again I thought she's a professional doctor so would probably treat Cal even if he had attacked her :)**

Chapter Fifteen

Lily was sat on the sofa in the staffroom, her iPod on the table in front of her and up at full volume and her earphones in. Lily only listened to music when she wanted to be distracted, when she wanted to shut out the world. After hearing about Cal in resus, she didn't want to talk to anybody else ever again. She heard the door open but she didn't look up and soon Connie was sitting beside her.

"Could you take those out for me?" She whispered and gestured to the earphones.

Lily still refused to look at her but reluctantly removed the earphones from her ears.

"I'm sorry you had to hear that," Connie whispered. "And I'm sorry I shouted. I should have tried harder to control myself, you needed to know but...Not at that moment in time."

"How are they?" Lily whispered, keeping her eyes fixated on the wall ahead of her.

"They're stable," Connie said. "Both of them. It took a while but Cal soon came round." She stroked Lily's hair and gave her a comforting smile. "Can we talk about it?" She asked. "You must be in shock and I...I honestly feel terrible for blurting it out like that. I shouldn't have done."

"How long have you known?" Lily asked quietly, eventually deciding to look her in the eyes. "Have you kept it from me all this time?"

"No." Connie shook her head. "I only found out today when Cal went missing. Charlie told me."

"Why did he do it?" She questioned.

Connie sighed, not really sure herself. "I...As far as I am aware, Cal has been struggling a lot lately. He...He got in with the wrong crowd and they...They make him do things that he doesn't actually want to do."

"But why agree to attacking me?" Lily asked and shrugged her shoulders.

Connie shook her head again, looking at Lily sympathetically. "He didn't know it was you," she said. "He's going through a very depressed stage right now, Lily and if he had known it was you I am certain that he wouldn't have agreed to it."

"He ruined my life," Lily whispered. "He...He caused me to be like this."

"Hey," Connie soothed. "You have your whole life ahead of you, you're only in your twenties. You'll get better."

"I'm sorry," Lily apologised. "I've been a complete bitch to you, and everyone else. I should have just told you what had happened in the first place."

"You were scared," Connie told her. "And that's completely understandable."

"So what happens now?" Lily asked.

"Well, that's your choice," Connie said. "We can either ring the police and you can press charges or we can forget that all this ever happened and attempt to move on with our lives. It's whether you're too scared to be around Cal anymore really, isn't it?"

"Is he able to get better though?" Lily whispered. "I...I don't want him doing it again, to someone else."

"I think he is," Connie said. "It'll take time and lots of support but I think it's possible."

* * *

Cal and Ethan were in the same room and whilst Ethan slept, Cal stayed awake. He wished that he'd been killed during the collapse, everyone would have been better off. He sighed and whacked his head against his pillow as the door opened and Connie and Lily walked in.

"What...What are you doing here?" Cal croaked out, still slightly sore.

"Lily wanted to have a word," Connie whispered and leant against the doorframe.

"Can you stay?" Lily whispered and Connie nodded, as Lily stood at Cal's bed. "I...I know what you did..." She said in a quiet, teary voice. "And I...I hate you for it."

Cal sighed and sniffed, holding back his tears.

"Well, can you blame me?" Lily asked. "I used to be so confident before, you've changed who I was Cal and I...I don't honestly know if I can ever like you again. I'll have to continue working here, seeing your face every single day of my life."

"I'm sorry," Cal whispered and hung his head.

Lily glanced across at Ethan who was still fast asleep and said, "that's two lives you've put in danger now because of your own fault, isn't it? Mine and then your own brother's."

Connie hung her head, listening as Lily spoke to him.

"Sorry doesn't change anything," Lily continued. "It won't bring my old life back."

"I know," he agreed.

"And you do realise that I'm probably never going to be able to talk to you again, right?" Lily said. "It's not like some silly argument at school. You physically attacked me, made me scared to leave my own house and I am never going to forget that."

Cal stayed silent, wishing that his brother would wake up so he didn't have to take Lily's rant alone.

"However," Lily sighed. "I'm not going to press charges."

Cal lifted his head so that he made eye contact with Lily. "You're not?" He asked.

"No." Lily shook her head. "On two conditions."

"Anything," Cal promised. "What...What are they?"

"You start getting some serious counselling for your problems," Lily said. "I've spoken to Connie and she thinks that with the right support, you...you're able to get better."

Cal nodded, hating the idea of talking to a therapist about his problems. "Sure," he agreed. "And what else?"

Lily took a deep breath before answering him. "You stop hanging around with that so-called gang."

 **Whoo, another update! I had an idea for this chapter and work is pretty quiet so I thought I'd post it straight away :) I hope you liked it.**


	16. Chapter 16

**ETWentHome: It must have been and you'll see what happens with Cal in this chapter :)**

 **CBloom2: Yeah I think so as well :)**

 **Tato Potato: Yeah and me too, it looks like Cal's now seen the light :)**

 **sweeet-as-honey: It was hard having Connie blurt that out in a convincing way. I kind of took it from the time she blurted out that she'd slept with Jacob in resus. Lily was very brave and Cal is about to become braver :)**

Chapter Sixteen

Cal took a deep breath as he reached the alleyway. Next to it, lay just a pile of rubble from where the tall building had been before collapsing on both him and Ethan. It brought back horrible memories but hopefully he wouldn't have to look at it for long. He rubbed the palms of his hands together and made his way down the alleyway to where Joel, Dagger, Kyle and Eric were waiting for him.

"Caleb, my man!" Joel greeted enthusiastically.

"Are you back for more drugs?" Dagger asked. "I have a whole bag full of shit, right here for you."

Cal shook his head at Dagger. "No. I...I don't do drugs anymore."

"What?" Kyle scoffed. "Why not?"

"Don't tell me you've gone soft on us now, Cal," Joel said and gave him a hard pat on the back. "By the way, did you hear about the old bakery?" He asked, gesturing to the side of the alleyway. "Apparently it just like...Collapsed!"

"Yeah," Cal chuckled, not wanting to tell them that it had actually collapsed on him and his brother. "Yeah. I heard."

"Hey, what happened to your head?" Eric asked.

Cal held a hand to his forehead and remembered that he still had quite a bad scar from when the building fell on him.

"He's obviously been fighting, ain't he?" Dagger said. "Nice work mate! You're not too bad!"

"So, why did you all call us to meet then?" Joel asked. "Got some work for us to do?"

"Not exactly," Cal sighed. "Look...I...I've been doing a lot of thinking and I need to get my head together. I...I can't be hanging out with you guys anymore, I'm sorry."

"What?" Joel asked, jumping down from the wall that he was sitting on. "Why the hell not Cal?"

"Because the things you make me do, they're not cool," Cal said. "That woman I attacked was actually a good friend of mine and now she's scared shitless to go anywhere, thanks to you."

"Sweet," Dagger cackled and did a fist bump with Joel.

"Not sweet," Cal said. "I'm done with the drugs, I'm done with the gang and I am done with you lot."

Joel shook his head at him. "You don't mean that."

"I do," Cal whispered. "We can still be friends, just without being in a gang."

"No!" Dagger spat. "No we cannot! We need the gang and if you quit the gang, then you can't be our mate!"

"We're not children!" Cal yelled. "Fine then, I don't need mates who can't accept me for who I am!"

Eric and Kyle glanced at each other and nodded. "We will," Eric sighed, stepping forwards.

"Yeah, we will," Kyle said, shaking hands with Cal.

"Fine," Joel scoffed. "Then you two are out as well."

"Doesn't bother us," Kyle said. "Come on guys, let's get out of here."

Cal couldn't help but smirk smugly at Joel and Dagger as he left the alleyway with Kyle and Eric. "Thanks," he thanked them both, when they were well out of sight. "You didn't have to go and do that though."

"We wanted to," Kyle said and shrugged his shoulders.

"Yeah," Eric agreed. "I was forever getting into trouble with the police for stuff that they made me do, I couldn't take it anymore."

"Well thanks," Cal said again. "It really means a lot. I mean that."

* * *

"Connie, have you seen Lily anywhere?" Zoe asked, walking up to the clinical lead. "Someone's just been admitted and I wanted her to see to them. I can't seem to find her anywhere though."

"She's having a session with Ben," Connie informed her. "She should be done by two."

"Well is she okay?" Zoe asked, concerned.

"Yeah she's fine," Connie reassured her. "We're just getting her a few sessions with Ben. I mean, everyone now knows it was Cal including Lily but she's still extremely shaken up by it. She struggled to come into work today."

"Okay." Zoe nodded. "As long as she's okay. How about Cal?"

"He's coming into work later," Connie said. "But he will also be having some sessions with Ben. He needs it and if he refuses them, he knows that he'll be going straight to prison. That was the deal. If he gets some proper counselling, Lily won't press charges."

"That seems fair," Zoe said. "Okay. Well, I'll find someone else to deal with the patient. Thanks Connie."

When two o'clock came round, Connie hurried off to Ben's office to collect Lily and see how she had got on. She was just exiting when she arrived, dabbing at her watery eyes with a tissue.

"Hey what's wrong?" Connie asked.

"First sessions can be tough," Ben said, following Lily out of the office. "But she did well. She just...Got a bit emotional."

"Thanks Ben," Connie thanked her. She was tempted to question Ben but she knew that the sessions were confidential and she didn't want to break Lily's trust. "Come on Lily. We'll go and have a chat, yeah?" Lily nodded, quietly thanking Ben before walking away with Connie. "Are you okay, my lovely?" Connie asked, placing an arm round Lily's shoulder.

"Yeah," she sobbed out and dabbed at her eyes with the tissue again. "Just...Just upset me, talking about what happened again."

"I know sweetheart," Connie sympathised. "And I understand that. It'll get better."

"I hope so," Lily whispered.

"Do you want to go home?" Connie asked but Lily shook her head. "How about you just take some time out in my office then?" She suggested and Lily nodded, smiling thankfully at her. "All right. I'll sit with you for a bit, keep you company."

"Thank you," Lily choked out.

"You're welcome," Connie said. "Come on. I'll make you a hot chocolate as well."

 **Just a small chapter to show both Cal and Lily trying to move on :)**


	17. Chapter 17

**ETWentHome: That is fantastic and yeah let's hope so :)**

 **LillyMayFlower: Yeah and I think I would have pressed charges as well but also understand why Lily didn't. I'm glad you liked that scene, I thought it would fit well :)**

 **This is also the last chapter. I'm making sure to finish some stories before posting some new ones. I have many ideas but I don't want to post them until I've finished some :)**

Chapter Seventeen

"Ethan, I'm off to work!" Cal called, as he stood by the front door of their flat and slipped his jacket on. Ethan was in the kitchen having breakfast but be brought his bowl of cereal through when he heard his brother call to him. "I'm off," Cal said and opened the door.

"It's early," Ethan said. "Our shift doesn't start until ten."

"I know." Cal nodded. "But I have an appointment with Ben at half eight."

"Oh right," Ethan said. "Good luck then and I'll...I'll see you at work."

"You too," Cal said with a smile and he was out of the flat in seconds.

It was cold out so he made sure to wrap up warm. He turned on the radio in the car and moved into first gear before heading off in the direction of the ED. He was nervous, even though he'd been seeing Ben for quite some time now. It had been about a month and Ben had already told him how much progress he seemed to be making. He took a deep breath and tried to concentrate on the sound of Led Zeppelin that was playing in the background. It helped...Slightly.

When he arrived, he saw that the only other two people who were there were Connie and Lily. Things had been awkward between him and Lily, they'd spoken and nodded at each other a few times but things weren't completely back to normal yet. He had around ten minutes until his appointment so he decided to go over and say hello.

"Lily, Mrs Beauchamp," he said and walked over. "Um...Hi."

Lily smiled faintly and Connie gave him a nod.

"Caleb," Connie greeted. "Are you here to see Ben?"

"Yeah." Cal nodded, hands in his pockets. "Yeah, I am."

"Good luck," Lily whispered. "I...I've been having appointments with him as well."

"How are they going?" Cal asked. He couldn't quite believe that he was having a counselling discussion with Lily.

"Really well," she answered. "Thanks for asking."

"Lily came in early to help me with a few bits," Connie said. "We'll have a chat after your appointment Cal, if that's okay."

"That's fine," Cal agreed. "Thanks Mrs Beauchamp. I'll see you later, Lily."

"You too," Lily replied, as Cal headed off to Ben's office.

"Are you okay?" Connie asked and rubbed Lily's leg. Lily nodded. "Things are going to be awkward but you and Cal will soon get to the stage where you can talk to each other as if nothing ever happened. He seems to be really sorry anyway, doesn't he?"

"He does," Lily sighed. "And I admire that and I understand that he was going through a hard time. It's just going to take me a while to get back to my normal self."

"Of course, my lovely," Connie said. "Come on. Let's go and get that paperwork sorted out, shall we?"

"Yeah," Lily laughed. "Sure."

* * *

"So how have you been doing, Cal?" Ben asked and sat back in his chair. Cal was sat opposite him, his knees shaking, his hands held in his lap. "Is there anything that you would like to talk to me about this morning?"

"Um...I...I don't think so." Cal shrugged his shoulders. "Things have been okay. I just still feel bad, Lily will talk to me but not like she used to. It's as if she thinks I'm now some sort of criminal."

"But she didn't press charges," Ben pointed out. "She let you off the hook."

"I know," Cal whispered. "And I appreciate that. I guess...I just want her to talk properly to me again, I don't want her to feel awkward around me."

"That's understandable," Ben said. "But I have been seeing both you and Lily and you need to understand that what happened to Lily was traumatic and she's going to find it hard as well."

"I know," Cal said.

"But you've done extremely well," Ben told him. "You took the first two steps to getting better."

"Which are?" Cal asked.

"Coming to me for one thing," Ben said. "And getting rid of those old friends you were hanging out with."

"Thanks," Cal thanked him. "I'm determined to get better. I...I don't want to be feeling like this all the time."

"What's your brother think about all this?" Ben asked.

"He thinks I'm doing really well as well," Cal said.

"And he's said that, has he?" Ben asked and Cal nodded. "That's good. You have a lot of support around you Cal, you just need to believe in yourself a little more. That's all."

"Thank you," Cal said. "I'll get there. I know I will."

"Good to hear it," Ben said. "You're a special young man Cal and you have a lot of courage. You should be proud of yourself."

When Cal had finished his appointment with Ben, he headed back to reception and saw Lily sat in the waiting room with a stack of papers. The majority of staff were all on a ten till six shift so not many people were there yet. A few patients had been admitted and were in the middle of being treated but that was it.

"Hey," Cal whispered and walked over to Lily. "What are you doing?"

"Helping Connie with paperwork," Lily answered, without looking him in the eye. "How was your appointment?"

"Really well," Cal answered. "I had a question for you."

"Shoot."

"Did you...Um...Did you maybe want to go out for a drink after work?" Cal asked. "If you don't feel comfortable, we can invite Ethan along as well."

Lily sighed and looked up at Cal. "I'd rather it if Ethan comes along," Lily said. "If that's okay."

"That's fine," Cal said. "But maybe we can lead up to it just being us two. I want to be friends again Lily, I want to make amends."

"Me too." Lily smiled at him. "But that will take time. Drinks sound good though, just me, you and Ethan."

"Yeah." Cal nodded. "And think of this as a fresh start for me, yeah?"

"No." Lily shook her head. "Think of this as a fresh start for both of us."

"Yeah," Cal sighed and smiled thankfully at her. "For both of us. Do you need some help?"

"Sure," Lily agreed and handed him a stack of paperwork. "It needs to be put into alphabetical order."

Cal nodded and sat on the empty chair beside her, sorting through the paperwork that she'd handed to him. The two then sat helping Connie with her work, talking and laughing like old times. It was as if nothing had ever happened. It would take time for Cal to gain his confidence back and it would take time for Lily to forgive him for what he did but they knew that with help and support, they would both get there. In the end.

 **THE END**


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